Let the Party Begin!
By Chip Tatum | The Pegasus File
Humor & Political Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of watching Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Democrats, and both parties blame the American people for electing them, I’ve decided it’s time for something different.
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the American Responsibility Party (ARP)!
Our slogan:
Country before party. People before politics. Principles before personalities.
Our mission is to introduce a revolutionary concept into American politics:
Responsibility.
We understand this may cause considerable confusion in Washington.
Three From Bush. Two From Tatum.
Years ago, during a conversation on Jupiter Island, Florida, President George H. W. Bush shared with me three fundamental principles of political stability.
As I recall them:
- A roof over their heads. Americans need affordable housing.
- Food on their tables. Americans need to feed their families.
- Money in their pockets. Americans need jobs, income, and purchasing power.
Over the years, I’ve added two more:
- Gas in their cars. Americans need affordable energy and transportation.
- Healthcare when they need it. Americans need accessible, affordable medical care without risking financial ruin.
Three from Bush. Two from Tatum.
Five simple necessities that determine whether American families are getting ahead or falling behind.
No 900-page legislative explanation required.
The ARP Accountability Test
Before supporting any major government policy, we’ll ask five questions:
Can Americans afford their homes?
Can they feed their families?
Do they have money left after paying their bills?
Can they afford to fill their gas tanks?
Can they obtain medical care without going bankrupt?
If the answer is no, perhaps Washington should stop congratulating itself.
ARP RULE NUMBER ONE: VOTE OR SURRENDER YOUR VOTE!
The American people elect members of Congress to represent them, debate legislation, and vote.
Voting is not optional. It’s your job.
If a member cannot attend because of illness, a family emergency, or a legitimate conflict of interest, that member must show cause and provide appropriate documentation.
But what happens when a politician simply refuses to vote?
Under the American Responsibility Party’s proposed rule, the penalty is worse than losing a day’s pay.
The opposing party gets to cast your vote!
That’s right. If you refuse to represent your constituents, your political opponents get to make the decision for you.
Imagine the attendance records!
Suddenly, congressional offices would discover the importance of punctuality. Politicians would rush back from fundraisers, cancel unnecessary lunches, and remember where the Capitol is located.
And the ARP’s position would be perfectly clear:
SHOW UP. VOTE. OR LET THE OTHER SIDE DECIDE!
No fence-sitting. No disappearing when the vote gets uncomfortable.
Because if you won’t exercise the responsibility voters entrusted to you, someone else will.
Membership Requirements
Democrats are welcome.
Republicans are welcome.
Independents are particularly welcome.
The only requirement is a willingness to admit that your own political party might occasionally be wrong.
We anticipate a small initial membership.
And because I’ve always voted for the person rather than the party, the ARP has no automatic endorsements.
Imagine that. A political organization that actually expects voters to think for themselves.
We realize this could be highly disruptive to the existing system.
Our First Official Policy
Effective immediately, all ARP members are encouraged to exercise common sense.
This policy has not yet been reviewed by Congress.
We’re told the Congressional Budget Office is still trying to determine how much common sense would cost.
Let the Party Begin!
The American Responsibility Party is not accepting campaign contributions, selling memberships, or printing ballots.
We’re starting with something much more dangerous to Washington:
A sense of humor and a demand for accountability.
After all, if politicians insist on turning government into entertainment, the least we can do is review the performance.
THE AMERICAN RESPONSIBILITY PARTY
Three from Bush. Two from Tatum. Five things Washington should never forget.
Country before party. People before politics. Principles before personalities.
LET THE PARTY BEGIN!
The Pegasus File — Wake Up, World.
Editor’s note: The American Responsibility Party is a fictional political-satire creation. The account of President George H. W. Bush’s three principles is based on the author’s personal recollection, not an independently verified verbatim quotation.